Friday, August 10, 2007

Anaesthetic Anxiety

I have now had two dreams in recent weeks about being under General Anaesthetic. In the first dream, the muscle paralysis part of the GA had worked, but I was not sedated enough, and I could feel everything that they were doing, but not move. To me this is a very powerful representation of the feeling of powerlessness I feel both about the endometriosis and the forthcoming surgery.

In the second dream, I remember being on the ward, and being asked to be 'nil by mouth'. In my hunger, I decided to have a few Borbon biscuits. When I told the anaesthetist, he said this was the worst type of food I could have eaten! When the trolley came up to the ward, the nursing staff were debating whether to send me or another patient. I begged them to send the other woman, but they chose me...... Later in the dream, I came out of the GA towards the end of the procedure. I finally managed to make my voice heard and could see, hear and feel everything. The surgeon realised I was awake and the anaesthetist gave me some more anaesthetic, but it didn't seem to be working. He gave me some more, said to the consultant, 'that should do it' and left me. The surgeon was about to continue to do more, but realised I was still conscious. He then sent for the anaesthetist, who seemed to have done a total disappearing act. In the end, the surgeon and his colleague decided to half patch up my open abdomen and send me back to the ward, with the intention of completing the job properly in the morning. I remember smelling this putrid smell, which must have been my rotten guts. When the consultant came to see me in the morning, he said that I was 'covered in endmetriosis'.

Again, I think this dream sums up all my fears about the powerlessness I have in doing anything, and the lack of control I have when I will be 'under the knife'. I am sure these dreams must be common, but they are still frightening!

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